Good Sunday afternoon my lovelies! Ytd night got me thinking (yes honey, I do late night thinking when I'm about to sleep too), when will those comments stop? What comments? Simple, comments about my weight/stick-like figure. To show you exactly how skinny I am, refer to the image below:
FYI, I didn't take this photo on purpose or anything, I was playing around with my camera last night (due to extreme boredom), accidentally pressed the remote and the shutter went off! Hmm, I kept going back to this photo last night, focusing mainly on my wrist, it's so..............................tiny. Now, I guess I probably know how people view me. Honestly speaking, when I look into the mirror, I don't see myself this skinny, I mean I do see myself as very skinny, but just slightly plumper than this?
Then I started thinking about people's comments about me being this skinny. And let me tell you this, people have been making the same ol' comments since forever, in other words, I AM USED TO BEING CALLED SKINNY. So some comments go like this:
- "Aiyoooo ah can you eat more or not?"
- "You're so skinny like a bamboo"
- "OMG please put on more weight Fion"
- "Please eat more"
- "WHY ARE YOU SO SKINNY?"
So ladies and gentlemen, my secret? I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA. I came up with a few theories though.
1. I don't know if children can take over their parents' body structure? But I think it's possible. My mom is extremely skinny. For her age (46 I think), she's putting on weight, but she isn't showing signs that she is gaining any. My dad used to be skinny and fit too, haha sigh but due to his occupation, let's just say he's been lazy for far too long.
2. I have extremely high metabolism rate? I don't know how it works and all but let's just say I can get hungry after a really full meal soon.
3. My meals are irregular and late! It's a habit since young, my dinner can be at 10plus to 11plus? Because my family is nocturnal, we do things late, and that includes our meals haha.
There you have it, my "theories". The comments above, I'm totally fine with it. But sometimes, comments get really bad. My friend told me once that I looked malnourished. The other time, a taxi driver asked (harshly may I add) if I've even been eating. He didn't even meant it as a joke! God, these two were my breaking points, I was on the verge of crying, my self-esteem plunged deep down immediately. I wanted to fight back, telling them, "Hey I've done everything I could, I've ate so much, sometimes even more than my friends, but my body is just like this, I can't help it." But you've probably guessed it, I didn't fight back. I just............became really quiet and sad haha. Truth be told, I was even more afraid to look people in the eyes when I'm out after these comments. I don't want anyone to spot me, to judge me, to even look at any part of my body. It's not just people I've met or people I knew who made such comments. It's basically everyone. Come on, just take a look online, people are supporting those who look plump, telling them they are just as beautiful as they are now. And, "who needs thigh gaps, like seriously?" It made me feel guilty and my fault for having thigh gaps honestly. I mean, yes they are beautiful like that, but is there a need to criticise people who are skinny to help them gain confidence?
Let me tell you the things I've done. I've ate large portions, three times a day. I've ate smaller portions but throughout the entire day. I've drank protein thingys guys buy from nature farm? I've made papaya milkshake (papayas are very fattening, and I used full cream milk). I've gone on Mcdonald's diet where I upsized my meals and finished everything (think it was during Sem 1.2, where I kept eating macs for lunch and have deliveries on some nights and weekends). I've been in the underweight program for almost my entire secondary 4 life where I should be having fun in PE. Apparently lifting weights to gain muscle mass didn't work for me (and after eating even more food too).
So my lovelies, I've done everything I could, but my weight hasn't hit 40kg since 5ever (4ever isn't long enough apparently). Okay it did hit like once, for a few days, then it dropped again. Right now, my weight fluctuate between 38kg to 39kg. I'm trying my best to have three meals a day (large portions if I can help it and regularly), and strictly on fastfood ban! Drinking plenty of water too and let's see where this will go! I'm just gonna end off this post with something that everyone needs to know, that is, sometimes you can't help yourself for being the way you look, but you gotta try embracing it, then think again in a positive way. I'm skinny, I accept that, I've been at my lowest for all those comments, but hey, after that, I've stopped doing self-pity. I changed my habits (still trying but it's been good so far haha), and try living (slightly) healthier. If a plain jane like me can do it, so can you. And to all those people making comments, how bout you be a nice person and put it in a polite way and try to suggest ways to those people. It doesn't hurt to be nice you know!
PS: I rmb physics class in secondary school, I think we're suppose to say "my mass" instead of "my weight"? Or was it the other way round? Hahaha opps sorry for wasting your time teaching me physics Mr Tan!
xoxo,
f
1. I don't know if children can take over their parents' body structure? But I think it's possible. My mom is extremely skinny. For her age (46 I think), she's putting on weight, but she isn't showing signs that she is gaining any. My dad used to be skinny and fit too, haha sigh but due to his occupation, let's just say he's been lazy for far too long.
2. I have extremely high metabolism rate? I don't know how it works and all but let's just say I can get hungry after a really full meal soon.
3. My meals are irregular and late! It's a habit since young, my dinner can be at 10plus to 11plus? Because my family is nocturnal, we do things late, and that includes our meals haha.
There you have it, my "theories". The comments above, I'm totally fine with it. But sometimes, comments get really bad. My friend told me once that I looked malnourished. The other time, a taxi driver asked (harshly may I add) if I've even been eating. He didn't even meant it as a joke! God, these two were my breaking points, I was on the verge of crying, my self-esteem plunged deep down immediately. I wanted to fight back, telling them, "Hey I've done everything I could, I've ate so much, sometimes even more than my friends, but my body is just like this, I can't help it." But you've probably guessed it, I didn't fight back. I just............became really quiet and sad haha. Truth be told, I was even more afraid to look people in the eyes when I'm out after these comments. I don't want anyone to spot me, to judge me, to even look at any part of my body. It's not just people I've met or people I knew who made such comments. It's basically everyone. Come on, just take a look online, people are supporting those who look plump, telling them they are just as beautiful as they are now. And, "who needs thigh gaps, like seriously?" It made me feel guilty and my fault for having thigh gaps honestly. I mean, yes they are beautiful like that, but is there a need to criticise people who are skinny to help them gain confidence?
Let me tell you the things I've done. I've ate large portions, three times a day. I've ate smaller portions but throughout the entire day. I've drank protein thingys guys buy from nature farm? I've made papaya milkshake (papayas are very fattening, and I used full cream milk). I've gone on Mcdonald's diet where I upsized my meals and finished everything (think it was during Sem 1.2, where I kept eating macs for lunch and have deliveries on some nights and weekends). I've been in the underweight program for almost my entire secondary 4 life where I should be having fun in PE. Apparently lifting weights to gain muscle mass didn't work for me (and after eating even more food too).
So my lovelies, I've done everything I could, but my weight hasn't hit 40kg since 5ever (4ever isn't long enough apparently). Okay it did hit like once, for a few days, then it dropped again. Right now, my weight fluctuate between 38kg to 39kg. I'm trying my best to have three meals a day (large portions if I can help it and regularly), and strictly on fastfood ban! Drinking plenty of water too and let's see where this will go! I'm just gonna end off this post with something that everyone needs to know, that is, sometimes you can't help yourself for being the way you look, but you gotta try embracing it, then think again in a positive way. I'm skinny, I accept that, I've been at my lowest for all those comments, but hey, after that, I've stopped doing self-pity. I changed my habits (still trying but it's been good so far haha), and try living (slightly) healthier. If a plain jane like me can do it, so can you. And to all those people making comments, how bout you be a nice person and put it in a polite way and try to suggest ways to those people. It doesn't hurt to be nice you know!
PS: I rmb physics class in secondary school, I think we're suppose to say "my mass" instead of "my weight"? Or was it the other way round? Hahaha opps sorry for wasting your time teaching me physics Mr Tan!
xoxo,
f
